Moving again

Can't remember if I have mentioned it yet but we are moving house again. We are moving to a new house with a new estate and a new school. Yesterday we visited the school and I have to say I was really disappointed with the way the appointment went. I had deliberately made the appointment for a day when the kids were on half-term so they could come with us and see the school, teachers, classrooms and other pupils. Well - they saw nothing.

We were ushered via a back corridor into a meeting room by the Deputy Headmistress as the Headmistress wasn't there. We met an Administrative Assistant and a Principal Teacher who is also responsible for Special Needs in the School. We told them all about the issues the children have. They gave us information on the school and a whole load of forms to fill in for (very expensive) school uniform, data protection, permission forms and so on.

We were told at least three times that our children are not guaranteed a place as we can not actually officially apply until nearer the moving time (think we're about five weeks away now) and someone else may move in in the meantime and take our children's places. Because of this it would not be advisable to show the children around in case they don't get a place at the school. Well this made my blood boil - the children were with us specifically to see the school.

So - we now have another appointment to go back (with all the forms, proof of address, birth certificates...) in early November but we are to go without the children. So mad! The kids really need to see their classrooms and teachers. Also - because of the time of the second appointment I will need to get childcare for the kids as I won't be back for school pick-up - can anyone else see the irony here? We weren't allowed to look around the nursery at all - but at least I do now have the correct form for Orla as I had been given the wrong one.

Now - as far as Ruaridh goes I am a little concerned about all of this. I do not want to have to go over what I have already been through twice with him as he settles into a new school with new class mates. I know it is going to be problematic for him. I know it won't be easy.

I have done a lot of thinking about this and one option is for me to Home-Educate him for a while so we can settle in a little before I send him to school. I think Morgan will be fine - and eager to go - as will Orla if she gets a place at nursery. The problem is if I enrol Ruaridh into the school system and then decide to withdraw him I run into the problems we have already had where I have to get permission to take him out whereas if he never starts I won't have that problem.

One of the biggest issues we have at the moment is Ruaridh's sleep routine. He is up very late busy with stuff and is incredibly hard to convince to get into bed. Once asleep he sleeps really well (usually) although we have had a spate of nightmares in the last few weeks - which have stopped again - hopefully that won't come back. His body clock is different to everyone else - so school is a problem for him.

What do you all think? Why is this parenting thing so hard?

One Step Forward, Two Back

We seem to be having a lot of ups and downs at the moment.

I went in to see the acting-Headmistress and told her all about Ruaridh and that he was being seen by an Occupational Health specialist. Was a very positive meeting and we discussed Morgan too. Seems like we can and will work together on Ruaridh.

In the classroom there have been a few small steps made. He has been bumped up with reading which is fantastic - means he isn't getting bored. He learned to read last year in the term he was at school and is very passionate about it. He can sometime be found showing Orla letters and words. Writing is another issue. Like Morgan he struggles to write. He also still has his piece of carpet to sit on in assembly and that works really well.

He is still having problems with anger and personal space though. This morning he had grabbed another of the P1 boys while in the line waiting to go in. The other boy's mother went over to break it up and Ruaridh punched her. I didn't see any of this at all - just the mother coming away at which point I realised I couldn't see Rua. The mother told me what had happened and told me Rua was holding the teacher's hand. Well I just burst into tears. Not the most constructive approach I know but I am so worn down by this whole thing. Every day I am reminding him how to behave and we talk about him having a good day at school. We use a thumbs up as a sign of trying really hard to stay calm and to walk away from the boys who annoy him. But still the incidents keep happening.

One day last week I had to carry him home from school as he had basically assaulted another child. I then didn't let him play after school the next day despite him having had a fantastic day. It's all ups and downs and I'm not coping very well with it at all.

DH is working stupidly long hours and is tired out so I feel I can't talk to him about it and am not getting support. I seem to be doing the bulk of the bedtimes and that wears me out too. When DH comes home he is tired and hungry and doesn't want to have to help at bedtime with me - he just needs to eat and relax. (And sleep through anything I watch on TV.) Not a good place at the moment. Too much to say and none of it is being said. *Sigh*

Second week - progress

So we're now into the second week of Rua starting school (again). He is doing really, really well. He is happy and enthusiastic and is totally a different boy. We're still having sleep issues - he refuses to go to sleep - his brain is so awake until 10 or 11 most nights. When he gives in he is unconscious!

From a school point of view I've had a lot of positive feedback and I was relieved to see that the mother that was called in was not me - but another boy's mother. I spoke to the teacher today and she told me how well he had behaved today. At circle time she gave him a carpet tile to sit on and told him it was his magic carpet. She later asked him where he had gone to on his magic carpet and he told everyone. The result of this was he had his own moment to say his own thing and he was calm and polite. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Ironically the teacher also commented on how the problem now is that some of the other boys in his (new) year would also benefit from another year before starting and they are the bigger issue.

I saw the Occupational Health professional last week too and she sent me a sensory questionnaire to fill in all about Ruaridh - I think I need to do one for Morgan too - I can see where he will show issues on it! The OH was fantastic - hugely supportive and very positive about helping Ruaridh.

I also met the new (acting) Headmistress this week and have requested an appointment with her next week and I am going to give her some suggestions to pass on to Rua's teacher about ideas for helping.

I am so proud of him - he is doing really, really well. I bought him a tent for his bedroom at the weekend as a reward for doing so well.

Hope this keeps up. I know now we did the right thing in taking him out last year - he was simply too young.

Second First Day

Today is Ruaridh's second first day at school.

Since I last posted he has been back to nursery and was effectively a pre-schooler again. He is now 5, instead of 4, and is the oldest in his year. He can read and write (when he sees fit) and I think (hope) he is a lot calmer now.

We were all up early, dressed and breakfasted early. I piled him up with his bags - HUGE school bag, lunch bag and gym kit. It wasn't until I got him to school it suddenly occurred to me that he will only be doing half-days for a while. Bum. So - he'll stay for lunch then I'll go and get him. I seem to have been missed out on the letters for parents of new school children. Slightly annoying.

I'm a bit cross with the school. First day back. Lots of excited kids and lots of bags and they keep the door locked. Apparently it's just today they are doing this - but in my humble opinion it is the worst day they could have done this. It caused confusion and ended up in a huge pile of school bags. Not ideal. Glad the rain was only light and not torrential.

He went in fine and seemed pleased to be starting. I just hope he can do everything he promised like listening, sitting still and respecting others.

I dropped his sister off at nursery after that. She is now in ante-pre school nursery. So this is the first time I have been in the house without children for an incredibly large amount of time. Admittedly I will be getting two back this afternoon but I am enjoying the peace and quiet. (Actually not so quiet, dh is working from home and making lots of calls - time to change rooms ;-) )

January '09

I've not updated Rua's blog for some time now and a lot has happened.

Ruaridh finished his term at school with all the glitter of Christmas - concerts, parties, presents and fun. He broke up from school on the Friday and turned 5 on Sunday. He had a great swim party at the local swimming pool and all in all had a lovely time. He saw both sets of grandparents during December and seemed to have a lovely time.

For his birthday we got him a beautiful wooden box of coloured pencils and paper - for him to look after. He seems to understand its value and, so far, has looked after it and enjoyed doing lots of drawing.



Christmas was very exciting - all the kids helped to put the tree up and I think Orla got a big buzz out of that this year for the first time. The boys got a wii for Christmas which has been a huge hit. Although it does cause a lot of fighting so we have now had to give them clear rules and time limits which seem to be helping.

We didn't do much over Christmas - just played on the wii, watched TV and generally relaxed.

Now we are into the New Year and things have changed again for Ruaridh. He has not returned to school and has instead been deferred a year. I went into his old nursery in the first week and we agreed to try him for one morning a week to see how he gets on back there. He has funding in place - so I will not have to pay for him. We may increase his time there - we need to just see how he fits in. The plan at the moment is that he will return to school in August and start again in P1 - so it is important for him to get to know his new peers.

The first week back he did not want to go and C and A at nursery were fully expecting this. I was really nervous about the whole thing but had arranged something for Orla and I to do to take my mind off him. I got a text mid-morning saying he had been absolutely fine. When I went to pick him up C told me how well he had behaved and had got 2 stars for being so great. A fantastic start! I guess one factor that is important is that he is now the oldest in the group and not the youngest - and maybe that will make a huge difference to him.

Today was his second time there. He had a very late night last night - so was very slow to get going and wanted to stay in bed. Once he was up and eating I just left him to get his head together. Just after Morgan left for school he started sobbing. When I asked him what was wrong he told me he wanted to go to nursery. So - I got him dressed and ready as quick as a flash - grab that iron while it's hot! I took him up to nursery and he was really excited to be going in.

I have started him off with private swimming lessons - once a week - which have also gone really well. He is listening to his instructor and is getting his confidence back. Hopefully after a few lessons he will be ready to go back into the group classes and I can restart Morgan too. I had to stop both boys' lessons as I couldn't cope with the messing about in the changing rooms and the waiting about. Maybe by Easter things will have calmed down.

The other thing we have done is I am taking him along to my knitting group once a week. He did some weaving last week and is making himself a scarf. He was mixed while we there - messing about and then settling down to help me with the scarf. That sums him up really - all mixed up.

It's so cold here at the moment that we have not been out much. I did manage to take both him and Orla to the beach for a very long walk the other day though and Ruaridh drew a hippopotamus on the beach:



Beach walks are always a hit for Ruaridh - he loves to run off and do his own thing - play in the rock pools, dodge the waves or draw in the sand. We will definitely be doing more of this. I have asked him if there is something he really wants to do with this extra time with me. Drawing, cooking, painting, gardening or whatever. He isn't very good at telling me things though - so we need to work on that with him and need to come up with some ideas so as not to waste this precious time. I do plan on doing a lot of work in the garden this Spring - I think that will be good for both of us.

I have had a couple of people contact me about the flexi-schooling and asking if it was successful. For me and Ruaridh it was not that successful. It was good that I did get to spend that time with him and I think it helped him a little. The problem I had, however, was every time I went to pick him up from school - during lunch time I would get 2 or 3 children running up to me to tell me what Rua had done that morning. Who he had hit, what he had broken, what he had said. It was awful and I often left with him, with me in tears. So for me, personally, I found it awful. I have to admit that from August to December last year were possibly the toughest months of my life. I was so drained by the heartache of my son not fitting in. It wasn't until I had made the decision to defer Ruaridh that I could finally relax a little. Things are certainly easier at the moment.

The fog is clearing

I've not posted on here for  a while as so much has been going.  Finally, though, I have some good news on what is happening.  More on that later.

A brief up date on the last week or so.  Last week was particularly trying.  Rua has had a head cold all week and has not been sleeping at all well.  Staying up late, coughing and generally being tired.  He was in school on Monday and Tuesday mornings and seemed to be okay.  Wednesday was another story though - he did no work at all.  When I talked to him about it later he said it was because of his coughs.  So he had been feeling ill but had not had the thought to tell his teacher.  Instead he just sat and messed about.  Poor Ruaridh.  I kept him home on Thursday and Friday - and he has been sleeping in - he's so worn out.  Staying up late building complicated train track layouts don't really help though.

On Saturday Martin took Orla and Ruaridh to the IBM Christmas Party in Edinburgh which seems to have been a huge success.  Martin tells me that Ruaridh behaved better than ever before - amazing.  They both had a great time and Santa came up trumps with suitable presents for them (chosen by me!)

This morning I have been swapping email with my contact at the Education department.  (Yes - on a Sunday!)  I have been given the go ahead to defer Ruaridh - at last.  This means that I will be pulling him out of school at the end of term.  As it is deferring I do not have to put into writing an education plan as he will not be deemed to be Home Educated - just not yet started school.  I will speak to his old nursery and see if they would consider having him for maybe one morning a week as this would be a good way for him to both socialise and get to know the children who may be in his class if/when he goes back in P1.

For now I am not going to rush into anything with - he needs to just go at his own pace and choose what he wants to do each day.  I will have four afternoons a week just with him while Orla is at nursery and the mornings will be with Orla around too.  I think I will gather together all the reading books/materials we have in the house and put them into one area and he can dip in and out as he sees fit.  He also loves spending time on the computer - Starfall is one of his favourites and certainly helps his reading.  

In a way it is a shame we are having to do this as one good thing that has happened is that Ruaridh can now read - which is fantastic.  He is not so good at writing - in fact he has become quite stubborn with this - and will not accept true spellings of words.  For example, he continues to spell his own name Ruarh and will not accept any correction on it.  Writing his Christmas cards with him was fun - he wanted to write everyone's names in their cards but his big writing and interesting spelling has led to some interesting cards.  I signed them all as I put them in the envelopes as he hadn't written his name at all.  Bless him.

So - more change ahead.  What fun!

Not a good day

Went to pick Ruaridh up today and he wasn't in the playground.  He was with the Headmaster.  He was being disruptive in class - spitting, poking and generally being annoying.  So his teacher moved him to another table, on his own.  He didn't settle and started drawing on both the desk and the table - not good.  So he got sent to the Headmaster.  He was made to sit outside his office on a chair - which as you can imagine Ruaridh hated.  Eventually he did say sorry to the HM.

I really have mixed feelings about this.  I can see how the school *needs* to be disciplining a child when they do wrong - but I'm not sure if this was the right way to go about it  He has been told that the moment he is disruptive tomorrow he will be sent back to the HM.

Once again my feeling have been reinforced that Ruaridh should not be in school.  He is becoming naughtier and naughtier - because he gets all the attention.  Just ignoring him, while he is at school, is not an option as he is destructive and disruptive.

I am getting closer and closer to withdrawing him from the school and I know I will have the school's support to do this!